THANKS-GIVING AT INDEPENDENCE

Nigeria’s fifty-second independence anniversary should be an opportunity to thank  God, ordinarily.  Our traditional agenda for this programme usually includes prayer sessions at mosques all over the country, attended by muslim faithful and leaders whose propensity for looting bears a stark dissemblance to the ideals of Islam. The Christian churches also witness joyful services, hosted in big churches where overfed priests thank the Lord for giving us good Christian leaders who have nothing in common with Christ. 

This year has been different however, mosques are no longer safe nor churches the  peaceful sanctuaries that they used to be.  Churches especially, have been hardly hit.  Houses of God have been transformed into military zones where people have to be screened thoroughly before they come into his presence.  I cannot dwell on how this has affected tithe, offerings and the ministry in particular. The most visible of this change has happened inside clergymen, they have started criticising the president. One of them even went as far as to construct  and vocalise a prayer on corruption which embarrassed the president.  One of them even dared to contest an election and continues to make “inciting” statements about the leadership of our great country. Obviously, men of God are no longer cosy with the establishment.

The focal point of my piece is not to dwell on the fluidity of Nigeria’s theology and religion in these times.   My goal is to offer thanks on behalf of Nigeria to everyone whose action and inaction has brought us thus far in our national sojourn.  I am mindful of the fact that some of you might wonder why this piece was not published on the first of October, let me quickly explain the delay in simple terms.  I did not have electric power and there was fuel scarcity on Independence Day. My generator was bad too. The generator repair man could not get fuel to power his motorcycle so I spent the day in darkness except for the intrusion of my Blackberry phone which kept broadcasting the rantings of some endangered species of bloggers, activists and  concerned Noisegerians. For this lack of electric power, I would like to thank Professor Nnaji for telling us there would be more megawatts of power while arranging his cronies and companies to buy up all our power plants. We owe him and his predecessors eternal gratitude for enabling generations of Nigerian children shout “Up NEPA” anytime the light flickers, even when they are outside the shores of Nigeria.

Let me quickly apologise for breaking protocol by not addressing myself to the President  of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces. I must thank His Excellency, first for his decision to hold the Independence Day celebrations in Aso Rock Villa rather than the stately and regal Eagle Square where the convention that eventually produced his ticket to  the presidency was held. Your prudent (some say cowardly) capitulation has sent victory signals to every member of Boko Haram group that our leadership is afraid and cannot  make adequate security preparations to host a military parade. I am sure all your service chiefs and military high brass all supported this directive, afterall, who would not recollect how our police headquarters was bombed. I am sure that you have set the right tone for negotiations with the dreaded group. 

I would also like to like to thank you Mr. President for   the inspiring, visionary and  prayerful Independence Day speech. Let me note that unlike 2010, it did not embarrass us  with your inept use of teleprompters when neither you nor your aides had tried it out to test its adaptability to our dynamic environment. This year, your speech called for prayers and provided budgetary allocation for calling the almighty to come and solve our problems. Let me quickly remind you that Saudi Arabia, Isreal and Italy all lay more direct claims to our God yet they invest in people and put institutions in place to achieve societal change. They hardly budget for prayers. Your speech created a buzz for the “armchair critics and activists“in blogosphere for whom Dr. Reuben Abati has so much angst. You quoted a phantom report from an organisation that announces it reports globally. The authentic report was just a few clicks on any decent browser. I want to thank you for confirming the veracity of some claims (in blogosphere) that your Doctorate Degree in Zoology must have been a gift from the University of Port Harcourt. If I were the Vice Chancellor of that institution, I would refund your tuition and withdraw your doctorate degree in order to protect the brand of that institution. I am sure the Vice Chancellor will dare not! That is why I can never be a Vice Chancellor. 

Your speech also confirmed that you are not given to intellectual rigour or cerebral  exertion.  I am thankful to you for encouraging the youth in Nigeria who would rather skip school to become musicians.  They have a reason to believe that holding a doctorate degree makes no difference to personal intelligence. My eternal thanks also go everyone who had a hand in the speech. They confirmed our submission that you do not read whatever is given to you. You just go ahead and blurt it out!

I want to thank the Vice President for being a passenger in this democratic dispensation. I guess he realised that adding his voice to this cacophony of ineptitude would overwhelm the average Nigerian’s threshold for rubbish.  Without any clear constitutional schedule of duties, I appreciate his ability to do nothing, say nothing and stand for nothing. He could have towed the line of a certain Abubakar Atiku who attempted to invent a job description for the position. We all know how that went down.

I would like to thank the Senate and House of Representatives for deliberations that have led to no improvement in the lives of Nigeria. Aside tossing out Sanusi Lamido Sanusi’s five thousand naira note, the legislature has been more concerned with increasing an already anomalous remuneration. They have proven that human greed overpowers reason. They have also proven that amongst thieves, compassion is not a virtue. Unless he wins his  re-election bid, Barack Obama would gladly consider their salaries if he could apply!

I must thank all the ministers in Nigeria especially the Coordinating Minister of the economy. A brilliant woman, her inability to explain anything in clear terms has helped me to understand how smart people behave when they have incompetent bosses. Her inability to explain the performance of the 2012 budget clearly indicates she is a good manager of information. I also salute her courage in sitting with chronic debtors as members of her national economic committee while she expects AMCON to take objective decisions on their indebtedness. Special thanks must be giving to the Minister of Labour for continually embarrassing this administration in the media. His lack of processing abilities makes the Minister for Water resources look extra-terrestial. Labaran Maku deserves our thanks and pity for assailing our ears frequently with not-well-thought-out representations of the government. I am sure David Mark conveyed our gratitude more poignantly!

I would like to thank all governors for the increase in the number of cars in their details while hunger pervades the land.  I will like to thank the southern governors for asking for more money from the federation account even when most states have not utilised their allocations for anything productive. I must single out Uduaghan for attempting to retrieve his cousin’s fifteen million dollars from the EFCC. Blood is indeed thicker than governance. I must also thank Dickson for providing the first lady with a decent salary and pension via her appointment as a permanent secretary. Who knows where such gratitude could take him? 

I would like to show appreciation to the northern governors for laboriously connecting Boko Haram to monthly allocations from our commonwealth. We now know we created Al Majiri to set the North back economically and politically. We are the reasons why polio still ravages the North.

The Eastern governors must be applauded for agreeing that Igbo presidency is the only panacea to the litany of problems facing Nigeria. We are yet to receive a blueprint for the eradication of commercial kidnapping and other crimes which continue to fester in their states . I must thank Orji for institutionalising non-performance. His billboards clearly advertise his personal dereliction. I will like to thank the Western governors for the gift of propaganda. They have taken the art form to a new level closer to mass hypnosis.

I must thank Nigerians for putting up with the current leadership, afterall we voted them in and collected their money to mortgage our future. I must thank all the market women who participated in all the rallies and all the people who sold their voter cards. I am grateful to all the people who continue to keep quiet and hide their heads in the daily humdrum of torture that our lives have become. They are the reason why the evil darkness grows in temerity. 

We do not have to thank God for the turn of events we have brought on ourselves.  He has given us the will and mental fortitude, to seek out the truth and set our minds free. We have a God-given gift to demand more and better from our leaders. I thank the few Nigerians who exercise this right.

2011: EXPLOSIONS AND IMPLOSIONS IN NIGERIA

It is 2011, not news right? I guessed.

I share a healthy dose of the unfettered joy and hysteria that occasions the transition between two years but not the materialistic self-indulgence that now characterizes the celebration of both Christmas and the New Year. Everywhere in the world, retailers target and promote the hedonistic consumerist lifestyle that screams “buy, buy and buy”. My approach to the festivities has always been that of “contained optimism”. My birthday falls on the 4^th of January and birthdays for me are usually introspective. I usually reflect on the previous year and plan for the New Year. On my birthday, chances are that I would be moody than excited. I appreciate the fact that birthdays are yearly milestones but I have never believed in partying and celebration that accompanies birthdays. This also aligns with my view of Christmas and New Year celebrations. I have learnt to “count my days so that I might apply myself to wisdom”, after all the difference between one year and another is a second. Amidst all the frenetic prayers of the faithful every thirty first of December, I thank God for the gift of His protection over my life and another three hundred and sixty-five chances at making impact in my life and that of others and quietly start refining my action plan for the year.

I was already in church on the 31^st 2010 when I heard about the explosions in Abuja, the capital of Nigeria. As usual the details were scanty and casualty figures ranged from moderate to catastrophic. I left the main church auditorium almost delirious and sauntered into the restaurant in my church to satisfy the news hound in me. I quickly pieced together the facts of the matter. Revelers at the Mogadishu Barracks were jolted by explosions which killed four people on the spot and sent several people to the hospital with various degrees of burns and immeasurable trauma. This location, known to most people as the Abacha barracks was known for its bustling Mami Market which served deliciously spiced fish of various sizes with fries and bottled drinks of any kind. Abacha Barracks was the watering hole of choice for residents of Karu, Kubwa, Gykoyi, Nyanya, Idu and Karimu who would rather “recharge” in a watering hole than brave the intimidating traffic that builds up every evening on their way home.

The elitist nature of Abuja and the prohibitive cost of such liberties in the metropolis, the relative affordable pricing of the offerings in Abacha Barracks also attracted residents from Wuse, Garki, Gwarimpa and other areas of the Abuja metropolis. On several visits to Abuja, I have paid short visits to the Mami Market to buy their specialty; roasted fish and retire to my hotel room, “settle down” and do justice to the fish. The Mami market would remind any visitor of the resilience of the Nigerian family especially the military family. This watering hole was run exclusively by military wives and daughters of soldiers who needed to augment their financial realities and support their breadwinners. The sights and scents of the Mami market would delight any tourist who is interested in culinary adventurism. Fishes of different shapes and sizes were grilled in several open fires and served with several condiments and spices in large trays accompanied with very cold drinks. The market catered for the budget-conscious patron and the lavish-indulgent. Nicely-dressed men and women trooped in and enjoyed the delicacies without raising and eye-brow about the near-derelict state of the environment. It reminded me of Nigeria, yes Nigeria.

I have painted the picture of the environment in the Mogadishu Barracks in order to give my readers a lucid psychography to set a stage for several questions that stirred in my mind as I stood glued to the television and wondered: why would anyone want to bomb the Mami market and the Mogadishu Barracks? Why would anyone plant a bomb in a market operated by women and children? Who would have the temerity and fool-hardiness to plant a bomb in a barrack? What would anyone gain by inflicting such carnage on the country and fellow human beings? What does this portend for Nigeria and its future considering the imminence of elections? Why did the perpetrators of this act choose the date, 31^st December 2010?

The answer struck me a few minutes before midnight: 2010 was the year of explosions but 2011 shall be the year of implosions.

You will recall that the incident and frequency on bomb explosions in Nigeria was near zero if you e excluded the dastardly murder of Dele Giwa during the Babangida years. Bombs surfaced in the national consciousness of Nigeria again in the Yaradua era as the Niger Delta issue escalated and Nigeria watched as misguided miscreants seized control of a genuine cause and made businesses out of carnage and kidnapping. Under Jonathan Ebele Goodluck in 2010, we transitioned from militancy to full scale kidnapping for economic reasons and finally to indiscriminate use of bombs and incendiaries.

On the first of October, 2010 we witnessed the first set of explosions which brought national attention to the ineptitude of the security apparatus to deal with any form of organised, pre-meditated and co-coordinated attack. Our plethora of security agencies could not gather and share actionable intelligence to deter such a flagrant assault on the nation on her independence anniversary. The Independence Day bombing dented the image of Nigeria in the eyes of the international community and betrayed what discerning Nigerians had long suspected: that we do not have a president who could handle crisis! The president did not have the statesmanship required to handle a matter of such importance and expediency. He rushed to the defense of MEND and quickly invited MEND chieftains to Aso Rock to show solidarity with “our brother and president of Nigeria, Jonathan Goodluck”. How could you quickly exonerate a militant body that took responsibility for the bombing without the conclusion of preliminary investigations? The shoddy and pedestrian handling of this crisis called into question, the intelligence and competence of the aides of the President. Henry Okah and his brother were quickly arrested in South Africa and Nigeria and charged to court. A political adversary Raymond Dokpesi was summarily arrested, interrogated and inserted in to the plot. I am sure Henry Okah must be smiling somewhere in his cell now. While this script was playing out, more oil pipes were being blown up in the Niger Delta and more people were being kidnapped in the South East. It took a “crack” team of police and Army teams to liberate Abia from the grip of Osisikankwu, the kidnap king.

We must not forget the very peaceful waters of the Lagos port welcomed a seemingly innocuous ship which berthed in Nigeria without any fuss or incident. It took intelligence from the FBI to alert Nigerian security agencies that the ship had thirteen containers filled with rocket –propelled grenades, shells, guns and ammunitions that could overthrow the government in Benin, Liberia or Togo if put in the right hands. The Jury is still out on why Iran shipped this explosive cargo to Nigeria and who wanted to cause more explosions in Nigeria in 2010.

If the attempt to bring in military hardware was thwarted in Lagos, would-be perpetrators soon found other means of achieving explosions as the fragile peace in Jos was once-again interrupted by five explosions which killed and maimed many people. The saga of Jos remains a classic case of “how to ruin paradise”. The explosion in Jos occurred on the twenty-fourth of December 2010 while Christians were getting ready to attend church service marking Christmas Eve. While conspiracy theories and counter-theories were being advanced for the Jos bombings, a PDP aspirant for governorship in Bayelsa learnt an important lesson in politics when a bomb exploded at his rally venue: watch your back! If anyone thought this would be the end of explosions in 2010, all such hopes were dashed a few hours to the new year by the Abuja blasts.

As fervent prayers started an hour to midnight in my church on the thirty-first of December, my mind was confused. I listened to the cacophony of prayers assaulting my ears, people asking God for breakthroughs, upliftment, success, protection and appointments. I wondered if anyone here linked all of their requests to Nigeria and the survival of Nigeria; just as the Bible asks us to “pray for Jerusalem”. I was about giving up on praying when my pastor suddenly interjected: “we now have to pray for Nigeria, that Nigeria will survive and be a peaceful place for all of us to actualize our goals and aspirations”. I was dumbfounded that my pastor read my mind perfectly. He subsequently itemized other prayer points about Nigeria that gladdened my heart. When I finally had the opportunity to pray alone, I asked for God to replace explosions with implosions in Nigeria.

Guess what? I think my prayer was belated. He had started doing it in 2010. He will just finalise it in 2011.

We have had more bombings and explosions under the PDP-led government than under the numerous stints of the military. We have had more political assassinations under the PDP that we had during the 1966 coup and subsequent coups. Aside dying in office or in over-speeding official convoys, more PDP members have died from assassinations than from any political party in the history of Nigeria. There has been more violence in one PDP-controlled states that in all the other states put together. It is clear that the foundation of the PDP is deeply rooted in the ethos of the military founding fathers. The language of its principal officers typifies the military mentality. Such phrases as “do or die” and the “PDP must capture Lagos” tells you more about the thought process and actions of the party than any well-edited campaign advertisement. The flagrant abuse of power, disregard for the rule of law and thuggery exhibited by the PDP says more about the party manifesto than the allure of its umbrella. The incessant carpet-crossing of its members from one political party to the other in the face of adversity points to a total lack of ideology or core value. This is not to preclude that other political parties in Nigeria are better and have well-established ideologies or value. In reality, all political parties in Nigeria thrive on name-dropping an “Awolowo”, "Azikiwe" or promising the masses power, water and good roads.

If Nigeria must experience peace in 2011, the PDP will be the first element to implode. For Nigeria to increase instability in 2011, the hegemony of the behemoth Peoples Democratic Party must decrease and ultimately implode. And it is already happening.

Arguably the most credible face of the PDP in recent times in Nigeria has been Professor Dora Akunyili. She was the NAFDAC czar who never quite made the mark as Minister of information. Just before the year ran out, she dumped the PDP and joined APGA to pursue her senatorial ambition. This tells every analyst something: she has gauged the barometer of opinion in her constituency and noted that the PDP has not thrived because the Igbos have never benefitted under the PDP. Eastern arterial roads are clearly as bad as they were eleven years ago when the PDP assumed office. Selfish as her move may seem, it is a pragmatic-realist move that is ominous for all students of politics. PDP is going down.

The Special Adviser to the President on amnesty joined the shortlist of deserters when he joined the Labour party to contest the gubernatorial election in the President’s home state of Bayelsa. Although he has been tight-lipped on the reasons for his jumping ship, everyone thinks the squabbles in the PDP over presidential aspirant and other contests are death signs sign-posting the beginning of the end for the ruling party.

As the Kwara drama unfolds, I am sure that further implosions of the ruling party will follow a few things will happen in Nigeria that will ensure that Nigeria witnesses peace in 2011. That is my prayer!